Tell Me Something Good 🎶

Children of Israel are Never Alone

Hey, beloved tribe.

Oh, so much to talk about this week. Where to start?

The soap-opera-level histrionics on college campuses continue apace. Apparently, at Princeton, some students decided to launch a hunger strike and then accused the school of a litany of physical torments inflicted upon them.

Fam, when I first saw this clip, I literally thought it was a parody. I thought I was looking at an SNL skit.

“This is absolutely unfair,” the student says into her bullhorn, in an aggrieved and tremulous voice. “My peers and I, we are starving. We are physically exhausted. I am quite literally shaking right now as you can see."

Here she holds up a hand that trembles dramatically for the first and last time within the video.

“We are both cold and hot at the same time. We are all immunocompromised! And based on the university's meeting yesterday with some of our bargaining team, they would love to continue physically weakening us.”

If this isn’t the most transparent attempt of a pampered American at one of the country’s most expensive and elite universities to cosplay a wretched Gazan, I don’t know what is. It’s among the most cringe-worthy spectacles I’ve ever seen.

My teen daughter’s response to the video: “The secondhand embarrassment is insurmountable.”

My son sent me a meme about their self-aggrandizing melodrama, and I thought it was perfect, so I share it with you in turn:

My Friday newsletters are all about the best news, so the silver lining of this campus madness is that a huge sector of the public, on both the right and the left, rightfully find these protestors ridiculous and tiresome at best, contemptible and dangerous at worst.

Even among the most pro-Palestinian demographic in the country — young adults between 18-25 — the I/P conflict ranks nowhere near their top priorities when it comes to voting in the general election this November.

In fact, an overwhelming 87% see Israel’s war against Hamas as a minor issue, which is discussed in some depth here.

Onward to Macklemore’s new virtue-signalling single “Hind’s Hall,” which includes every scorching lie about Israel (apartheid, colonizers, genocide, etc.) and features the line: “The blood is on your hands, Biden, we can see it all, and fuck no, I’m not votin’ for you in the fall.” I’m not linking to the song because I have no desire to give it more of a platform than it already has, but it’s easy to find.

Much like many of the elite collegiate protestors, Macklemore — who checks every single box of societal dominance as a rich white non-Jewish cisgender man — is more than willing to let women be butchered in back-alley abortions, to allow the LGBTQIA community to be stripped of their humanity and civil rights, to pave the way for the suppression of Black Americans’ voting rights, to invite a resumption of a Muslim ban, to empower a sociopathic thug to assume the powers of a monarch, to let our democracy die and our planet be fucked to death, because it’s all about him: his bravery, his righteousness, his supposed inability to be bought.

Here’s the silver lining on this front:

Macklemore has always been an anti-Semite, and with the widespread recirculation of photos featuring him with a fake rabbinic beard and prosthetic hook nose, this should be obvious to everyone. Just as blackface is never acceptable, it should go without saying that Jewface is never acceptable either. Anyone with a modicum of decency can now see exactly who he is.

Moving on:

How can we not kvell over our own stunningly beautiful Eden Golan and her advance to the Eurovision finals? The anti-Semitic hatred coming at this lovely spirit for no other reason than her Israeli nationality is sickening. She has essentially been forced to remain holed up in her hotel room for fear of the bloodthirsty mob demanding her exclusion from the event.

I ask you: does this happen to people from any other country? As I never tire of saying, the U.S. did so much worse to Iraq for no reason during our war on terror. Do you remember hateful crowds stalking the every move of American performers or athletes abroad? Are Syrian or Russian or Libyan people of prominence hounded and terrorized like this whenever they participate in an international event? Of course not.

Reportedly, Golan’s security required a detail of more than 100 police offers and even a helicopter.

Yet our lioness of Zion refuses to fold under this unimaginable pressure, performing beautifully and advancing to the finals without missing a stride.

“I won’t let anything break me,” she told reporters this week. “It’s such an honor to represent my country, especially in these times.”

Finally, I’d like to address what’s likely the most potentially demoralizing development for all of us during the last few days, which is Biden’s pause on a weapons shipment to Israel in light of the latter’s clear intention to proceed with an operation in Rafah.

Now, I know how hard it is not to be rattled by this. The only reason I myself feel no outsized sense of alarm is that I fully expected it. And the reason I expected it has to do with the religious attention I pay to Dan Senor’s podcast “Call Me Back” and most especially to the perspective of Haviv Rettig Gur, whom I have privately begun to think of as Haviv Rettig Guru due to the outsized faith I have in his opinion.

Both Dan and Haviv predicted this political moment months ago. Both men said some version of: “Biden has been an unbelievable ally, going above and beyond to stand beside Israel in every conceivable way. Likely we’ll see him pull back from this stance as the election draws closer. In another couple of months, he’ll likely be forced to throw Israel under the bus for the sake of his re-election campaign. But even when that happens: dayenu, he’ll have done enough.”

Haviv even went so far as to say that America’s withdrawal from supporting Israel in the war effort could be the best imaginable development for the Jewish nation. Because the moment Israel has the opportunity to stand entirely alone on the world stage and still prevail single-handedly is the moment she will have decisively won the overarching conflict with the region. If she has no help, and she still wins — and Haviv is certain she will win — then her normalization is a done deal.

I like this perspective very much and I’m going to hold onto it during this harrowing moment.

As a very last uplifting offering or two, here are two wildly feel-good fundraisers. I’m not actively soliciting at this point; I am just celebrating what’s happened.

The first one, which I had nothing to do with except as a donor, is for Mario Torres. Who is Mario Torres? An article in The Free Press provides the relevant details:

As the mob [of Columbia protestors] invaded Hamilton Hall in the early hours of April 30, a facilities worker was photographed pushing a demonstrator against a wall. 

Later, it emerged that the protester was a 40-year-old trust fund kid named James Carlson, who owns a townhouse in Brooklyn worth $2.3 million. The man who tried to hold him back was Mario Torres, 45, who has worked at Columbia—where the average janitor makes less than $19 an hour—for five years.

Now, in an exclusive interview with The Free Press, Mario Torres describes the experience of being on duty as protesters stormed the building in the early hours of the morning, breaking glass and barricading the entrances. “We don’t expect to go to work and get swarmed by an angry mob with rope and duct tape and masks and gloves,” he said.

Torres was trying to “protect the building” when he ended up in an altercation with Carlson: “He had a Columbia hoodie on, and I managed to rip that hoodie off of him and expose his face.” (Carlson was later charged with five felonies, including burglary and reckless endangerment.) “I was freaking out. At that point, I’m thinking about my family. How was I gonna get out? Through the window?”

So much for “peaceful” “anti-war” protestors. If I’m honest, the photo of Torres throwing this creep up against the wall and at least partially unmasking him makes my heart sing.

The article goes on to provide a context for the fundraiser:

Torres has not been to campus since the incident. He says he does not feel safe. “When it comes to the public safety, the workers’ safety, people don’t feel comfortable walking through a mob to punch in to get into campus. That’s crazy,” he said.

He added that he’s worried Columbia might take disciplinary action against him for speaking out. He worries about losing a job he loves. He worries about supporting his young family.

“Is Columbia going to retaliate and find a reason to fire me? Is someone going to come after me? So I’m taking a big risk doing this, but I think that they failed. They failed us. And I think that’s the bigger story. They failed us. They should have done more to protect us, and they didn’t.”

Again, I did not organize this fund, I am just highlighting it because I’m so glad it exists. If you’d like join me in showing appreciation to this fine man, you can do so here.

And to wrap up this newsletter, I could not be more overcome with gratitude to all who gave to our fierce, ailing Zioness sister, Melissa.

I will forward every cent as it clears with my bank. Today I was able to send the first $3600. I want to share her reaction to the surprise of that amount landing in her venmo account:

I can’t tell you all how wonderful it felt to send her what you gave. I will always be so grateful to every single person who donated. The fund will remain up and I will keep sending her whatever comes in.

Please go into Shabbat knowing you contributed to an incredible mitzvah. I’m wishing all of you the most peaceful and restful interlude. I’ll be back with you on Monday. Huge love to every one of you in the meantime.

Shabbat shalom. Am Yisrael Chai.