Hey, tribe.
Today I had a fascinating conversation with my best friend, a non-Jewish woman I have loved with all my heart for 40 years. She has been very supportive of this substack, less because she particularly cares about any of the issues covered here and more because she wants to be supportive of me, but that’s fine. She opted for a paid subscription and also signed up her husband and her sister.
Her husband describes himself as a Zionist because he is old enough and informed enough to know Israel’s history, but he has also been — in my opinion — unfairly critical of Israel’s responses to Hamas in the past, in ways that have led to some very heated exchanges.
Her sister is unequivocally anti-Israel and believes the Jewish nation is committing genocide.
While we walked my friend’s new puppy, she asked if I wanted to know her husband’s and sister’s feelings about Never Alone. I told her I definitely did. I am always grateful when someone is willing to read a perspective that’s different from their own and really hear it, whether or not it moves their needle.
And I did, in fact, very much appreciate knowing how they felt because it revealed so much to me.
First she asked me who my intended audience is. And I said the audience I’m writing for could be pictured in concentric circles. My most important audience, the innermost circle, are other left-leaning Zionist Jews who are feeling abandoned, bullied and alone — as well as gaslit in the face of all these accusations of genocide, ethnic cleansing, etc. The main purpose of Never Alone is to provide commentary, community and camaraderie to those of you who fit this description.
I’m also wildly glad to have non-Jewish allies, as well as people who are aware they don’t know enough to make an informed decision and want to learn more.
Finally, as with the sister in this story, I’m even glad to have those who align against Israel and yet are open-minded enough to read other viewpoints.
So the first thing she told me is that her husband and sister feel alienated by the way I begin these columns with “Hey, tribe.” They report that, as non-Jews, it makes them feel unwelcome.
This had never occurred to me. I’m glad to be able to consider it so that no decision I make about how to write this substack is less than mindful.
Two different thoughts came to me in response to this. One is that, all my life, I have read content from within various subcultures that was not created explicitly for me. Back when print media was more of a thing, I sometimes bought Black magazines like Ebony and Essence just so I could better understand — from a more intimate vantage point — the political, social and cultural issues important to the Black community. For the same reason, in my 20s, I subscribed to the Native American national newspaper Indian Country Today. I wasn’t deterred by the fact that it wasn’t created to speak directly to me. I felt privileged to gain some insight into other people’s realities — realities that would not be readily apparent to me unless I made an effort to learn about them.
Second, I would just like to clarify that if you’re a non-Jewish ally, you are a part of my tribe.
Another piece of feedback she related is: they wanted the substack to be more academic or journalistic, less “emotional” or “polemical”.
I was fascinated by the objection to emotion here. I’m a Jew mourning our dead, afraid for our homeland’s survival, and ideologically under siege by members of my own intellectual, artistic and cultural circles.
When women write heartfelt pieces against misogyny, talking about their experiences with sexual assault or domestic violence or abortion, does anyone object when their writing is emotional?
When Black people write about the racism they experience, their fear that their children might be shot by police for no reason, or the ten thousand ways they are made to feel as if their lives don’t matter, does anyone object when their writing is emotional?
Why should a Jewish person in this political moment need to be unemotional?
When I asked what was meant by “polemical,” she said, “Okay, I’ll give you an example: when you refer to the subterranean network beneath Gaza as terror tunnels, that’s polemical.”
My friends, I found this stupefying. I literally could not believe what I was hearing. I said, “You know there are terror cells even within the U.S., right? Do you object to those being called terror cells?”
No. No, she didn’t.
“And do you agree that Hamas is a terror organization? Or do you object to that description?”
No, she could concede that Hamas is a terror group.
“So you are aware, right, that while there are bomb shelters all over Israel for its citizens, those tunnels are for Hamas, and Hamas only? In fact, this is the problem — Hamas doesn’t allow any citizens to shelter in those tunnels; they force civilians to remain above ground while they themselves take shelter below. And they have command centers down there, and caches of weapons, and they’ve used those tunnels to pop up beneath Israeli kindergartens. Are you aware of all this?”
Yes.
“Then exactly what is the objection to calling them terror tunnels?”
She didn’t argue this point any further but it made me realize what we’re up against. It was my only moment of despair in the whole conversation. We have been friends since the age of 15, and she has always been Jew-adjacent, and intensely Jew-friendly, and an absolutely incredible friend to me. I can truthfully say that even in ten lifetimes, I can’t imagine a better friend than the one she has been. And yet. Even her four decades of intimacy with me has not innoculated her against this insanity.
But then again. There are also folks like the transfemme I recently met in a Zionist group. During the part of the meeting when we were each introducing ourselves to the others, she said: “I’m not Jewish, but I guess I was the only one paying attention in history class.” And soon after she signed up for Never Alone, she sent me a profoundly moving letter by Messenger that began like this:
It’s worth saying here that this is my ongoing strategy for staying sane. For every conversation that fills me with despair, I try to revisit one that filled me with hope — one that serves as a reminder that some non-Jewish members of our own social circles do get it, and stand with us, and are remaining clear-eyed and vigilant right next to us.
So I plan to keep doing what I’m doing. I’m going to keep calling you my tribe. I’m not going to bleed this column of passion or emotion. And I’m going to call out terrorism by name when it comes for my people.
I’m going to write an extra column this week, so I’ll be back with you tomorrow. Until then, stay strong and proud. Chazak v’ematz.
Am Yisrael Chai.
Objecting to your addressing readers as "Tribe" just seems stupid, though not as misguided as accusing Israel of genocide. To me, all this has revealed a troubling passive anti-Semitism in the Progressive left that could hurt Biden & might even result in the election of Trump. This would be tragic, but keep up the good work.
You do you, Elissa -- your work resonates in ways that others don't, precisely because of your honesty and integrity!